The Politics of Apologies: Why Saying Sorry Feels Harder (and Sometimes Fake)

“Sorry.” A tiny word that’s supposed to heal cuts, close gaps, and reset relationships. But lately, it feels like the word “sorry” has lost its meaning. Instead of being a bridge between people, it’s become a script, something to appeal to an audience, and not the person you hurt.

Image From: ISTOCKPHOTO

Think about celebrity apologies. They live in the Notes app, typed out in bland fonts, full of “if I offended anyone” or “I didn’t intend to cause harm.” It’s PR damage control disguised as humility. And we all know it, and have heard it all too many times. T

However, even outside of Hollywood, apologies can be complicated. There’s the fake apology we hear in everyday life: “Sorry you feel that way.” That’s not an apology, that’s blame-shifting. It tells the other person their reaction is the problem, not the harm you caused. Real apologies take responsibility: “I hurt you. I was wrong. I’ll try to do better.” But those are rare, because they require humility, accountability, and sometimes change.

The Gendered Apology

There’s also a politics of who apologizes. Teenage girls, especially, are trained to shrink themselves with endless “sorrys”:

• “Sorry, can I ask a question?”

• “Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you.”

• “Sorry, can I sit here?”

We apologize for existing, for asking, for needing. It’s like an automatic reflex, even when there’s nothing to be sorry for. Meanwhile, people who actually cause harm often manage to dodge genuine apologies altogether. That imbalance says a lot about power.

Cancel Culture & Performative Sorrys

Online, apologies are currency. If you’re “called out,” you must produce a public “sorry” fast, or risk losing followers. But in this rush, apologies become shallow. They’re less about repairing harm and more about survival. And for the person on the other side, a public apology often feels performative, words without change. Which begs the question: Is an apology without accountability even an apology?

What a Real Sorry Means

A true apology is political in the best sense: it redistributes power. It says, I see how I harmed you, and I’m not hiding from it. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it makes space for healing. A real apology isn’t about saying the word; it’s about action after the word.

Maybe that’s why “sorry” feels so fake today. We’re fluent in apologies but illiterate in responsibility. And until we relearn that language, the word will keep sounding hollow, no matter how often we say it.